9:06pm

Good evening everyone!

So for now, the blog posts will probably be in the evening as I am very busy in the morning (or not, because I can't get up when I want).
Tomorrow I have plans to be very productive. It heals my soul when the productivity is on paper and not really things people can see, but it fills my mind, and I know that things are more in the works than they would be otherwise because I have all these amazing plans and as soon as they hit the page they are going to work : D
Tomorrow's agenda includes catching up on journaling, answering questions from the book I am reading, writing up shopping list drafts and writing up miscellaneous shopping lists for general things I need, as well as writing back letters <3

I have some awesome news - I have reached 902 poems!! I asked my younger sister if she thinks by the time I am 21 I will reach 1,000 poems and she said definitely; it is only April, and I am 19, so, I think it goes without saying that the answer is yes : )
I have not been stretching like I want, but I will get back into it, hopefully tomorrow morning, but we will see as I think that my devotions deserve more time <3

So excited for the end of this month, as I will be going back home for the weekend on the 30th, until the 4th of May : D
I have some things I want to get at home, bring back to home, and do at home, and see my family, so I am super happy about this!!

Agenda for at home will be:
- get a hair trim
- sew the rip in my jeans
- laminate the as-yet-unmade shopping lists to make them reusable
- buy stamps
- pick up letter(s) waiting for me
Not including the fun stuff! (going for runs with my sisters, cooking, going to our little coffee shop, watching Penelope, getting pop at the Co-op, etc.)

I really need to be getting to bed, but this is also helping me to sort out my day and next couple of weeks, so I will stay on here until I have said everything I need to say . . .

Did I mention that I watched Green Card this past month? I watched part of it as a 13 year old and wasn't a huge fan, idk. Anyways, it's been on my mind a lot over the years, so I decided, what the heck, let's just finish this thing! (I totally wrote about this already, whatever XD) And, it has become one of my comfort movies, and I will be rewatching in the future, and buying it to have in my future movie collection, and thinking about it often, as the atmospheres were just so fantastic, subtle, and comforting. So anyways, yeah, would recommend, and I will try to make a list of my comfort movies in the future : ) : ) 
My brain wants to do more than it can, and I am having trouble deciding just exactly what I am going to be doing tomorrow in the first shift of the day (work: 9-3; this is when I get my more mindless things done, that will feel more like a waste of time). 
Anyways, perhaps this is where I should close, sit down in front of my journal, write the prayer I meant to write on Monday to go ahead of the week (better late than never!! Especially for prayers <3), and then look at whatever is next before I finally decide to go to bed; I will get better at balancing all of this, I know. One day it will all be a breeze, I am really just working towards that one day when I will live alone and in my cute little apartment and won't have these last little closing bits breathing down my neck, as I am closing a chapter, and we are at the last 1/4 before I enter my 20s and a new part of life - Life On My Own. Soo, things are a little bit more difficult, and I have so little time to catch up before I am adjusting again, and I just can't wait to be done adjusting, at least for a little bit! I want some sort of a routine with the support to sustain it! And I know that will come one day, but for now, we are powering through without it, and I am going to do everything as if normal, because I am determined to get everything necessary done before my new chapter starts >\/< So, all this rambling to say, that while I am sorting things out to live my best life now, July will roll around, and dismantle my routine again completely, and then August will be here and it will be back to the grind, and I will be doing my best to save so I can go home for good, and I will probably be sad and nostalgic, and Jason will be starting college, and I will be praying so much, and that's the rocky road and if not avalanche, that young adulthood is, but I am determined to keep my best friend through this. I am rambling even more, how crazy! Honestly so glad I started this blog, haha, and it really comforts me through these days to know that I have been an inspiration to one person, at least: Jason- he thinks I am so brave and mature, and he asks for prayers to grow more and to do what he has to do, and I am so happy to be an inspiration to him. Camera Obscura says: "you're feeling a little sad tonight, but you'll be alright"; during a very low period of my life, I heard these words, and indeed, now, I have powered through, and I will be alright!
There is a weird feeling inside of me that once, somewhere, someone was inspired by me, once, someone was close; I was one of the ones, once... this is a feeling from a hazy summer memory, stained by the tears on my pillow. I didn't become one of them, I fell short just beneath the mark; lost breath in the last stretch, when I had just a few more blocks to go, and I didn't make it. But somewhere, once, I was an inspiration, I was someone who could be borrowed from, and I was almost someone who could be looked up to. And that is one of those things that means more to me than I could allow myself to think about, because it can't do anything for me. I think of my sisters, my two younger sisters, who really are the most important people in my life, and I can't turn back time or fix my actions, and I am triggered by radio songs because of things someone did to me in the past, but I love them more than anything. This is all connected, but it's so cool to be able to write about it like this, just letting my fingers fly, and people can read this and find it interesting and make their own meaning, or have no clue, and that's the really cool thing about my blog. 

I really do need to get to bed, so see you all tomorrow, possibly, and here's to a productive tomorrow! 🍻