8:50pm 

Good evening, again! : )

Double shift tomorrow, for which I am super excited!! I actually love my job! So the situation right now is that I am staying with my aunt and uncle (the latter of which doesn't seem to want me around; which I reciprocate, but he's not my true uncle, either) - and I am working as much as I can at a pastry shop, and saving money! I also work at the little vendor on the side, which I actually do more, and it's so relaxing! I get to be completely by myself and do my thing until the occasional customer comes along, and bake cookies and clean my station and it's so fun! I am going to learn Korean, because I have so much free time, especially on these double shifts (who am I kidding, that's what I love about em ; ). I am also going to be bringing my chess books and the small portable chess set my aunt gave me, which is orange and white and soo cute - she had it specially made for me, and it's adorable! It's a little plastic foldable square that turns into a rectangular tube, and has two orange caps and then all the pieces fit inside - it's actually genius! Because, I have all this free time, and I refuse to let it rot away <3 

I went to a record store today, because it's on my way home, and bought Heaven or Las Vegas on vinyl, which for some reason is rather hard to find online. I will be buying Oasis' What's the Story Morning Glory for Jason one of these times, as well as Beach House's album Bloom, and Mazzy Star's 'So Tonight That I Might See', which I have on CD. But all in time, because I need to spend that with tips, and I have to save those, yk, but tomorrow I will be buying food because I am staying til 9:00pm : )
Anyways, things were really rough adjusting, but it's getting so much better, and I am pretty happy, mainly because I still have Jason as a friend, and we text regularly and he's still so nice. 

I watched a show when I first arrived here, and it was called "Why Is He Still Single?" and it was honestly very good! I loved the characters and it was very entertaining. Aside from that, I shed tears almost every episode. Could have been my emotions, hormones etc., but still, the nuance underneath the skin of each character pricked me to the core of my heart and I couldn't help but feel their pain in every little speck of feeling or word that went unnoticed, but was there. I just couldn't help it, and it was honestly freeing to cry so much during it. 

I have started work on my beloved book, Alina Adams seems to be releasing new music soon, Em Beihold will have a deluxe track (or multiple?) before tour (I think?) which starts May 12th, and I have tickets for June 5th (!!!) and maybe things are healing, or maybe they're still tottering. Walking on a tightrope with 50% of confidence and 85% humor and a smile is what I'm doing right now, so I guess I'm not healed, not even healing that well, but just living. Maybe one day I will be healed. When things are peaceful, and it's not now, but like, I'm okay. I'm doing good and I'm proud of myself. This just isn't where I want to be in 5 years. But you know, I'm enjoying every moment as best I can, and as painful as that is, and as much as I just want to be in my comfort zone once again, I know it's all worth it. 
Why is that, anyways??? All the horrible things feel so flipping good and necessary when you're in the middle of it, and then you're done with it and you're sitting there, feeling awful about it. But all the good things feel like hell until you're done and you feel amazing. Why is that??? Life's greatest mystery, I guess . . .

I'm heading to bed in hopes to be a little bit better than I was this morning, but I did better than I did yesterday, so - just remember, that's what counts! 1% better than yesterday is what is important. 
Good night!!

-SS