3:38pm

Good afternoon, Blog : )
Please, if you're not following the blog, hit the follow button on the side!
I must tell you all about my newest obsession. So, I am watching a Kdrama called I Am Not a Robot; it's very good! They are doing the thing that I hate, though - after everything gets good, the male lead's trust and ultimately, health, are put on the line, and the female lead decides to run away {insert 1 year later trope}. I personally have a high dislike for this one year later stuff, and as I stopped in the middle of an episode, am curious to learn what they do with it. Does she actually go to Australia for a year? I don't know - I hope not, but I don't know how else they could fill 6 hours . . .
However, as much as I like this new Kdrama and find myself wrapped in its world quite often, it is not my new obsession. 

That is, my new obsession is the 2002 dark romantic comedy Secretary. Nothing can describe the hold this movie has on me, and the shamelessness with which I am thrilled to be enroped by its interest. 
I must attach an article I have found and read, and consider to be 85% a good description of my thoughts on this movie. (SPOILERS INCLUDED)

In Defense of Secretary - by Fran Romanova; a victimless film; almost . . .

There are points in the article I do not agree with, but those are on matters of opinion. 

I think the main one is this paragraph about Peter, a character I did not like. 

"Some might say that Mr. Grey is cruel and abusive…well is Lee not on the same level as him? She is! And that’s why they are a match and I still like both of these characters. The way Lee has no regard for Peter’s feelings is not cute. The way she waits for him and expects him to understand that she doesn’t love him is vicious. To waste someone else’s time like that and play with their feelings is evil."

"I feel very sorry for Peter as a character. Justice for Peter."

Do I not agree with these sentiments, though? Yes, I do, and having been a victim myself of Peter's predicament, (at 15, though . . . not close to 30 . . .) I should understand, even be on Peter's side. But Peter has no regard for Lee. So I see no need why Lee should have any regard for him. She goes along with his dates, in my opinion, because she wants to seem normal, she thinks this will make her family happy, and she's NOT expecting herself to fall for Mr Grey and/or get entangled with him. Peter doesn't really care about what she wants, he gets in her space and makes her uncomfortable, and talks incessantly about getting married and having kids. He's not interested in Lee. The only time where I get the impression that he is interested in Lee or her feelings is at the very beginning of the movie, when he asks her if she's happy to be home - and then if she's "happy" to be home. After this, he is only interested in getting married, settling down, having kids - which is great! - but he doesn't want to do it with Lee, necessarily, he just chooses her because he knows her, she's what he considers to be a "safe" choice. The only other time I see him considering Lee at all is when he throws the condom off the bed after he misunderstands her desire to be spanked for wanting to have sex. However, as soon as she gives him permission, he jumps at the opportunity, even though she is clearly reluctant, and clearly not enjoying herself. Yes, in a normal world, Lee should have said something earlier, but this is Secretary, where the main leads are isolated, conflicted, and a little bit unstable. Do you think communication and decision and stepping on others toes are going to be prime considerations here? Highly unlikely . . . Peter is more stable and realistically should be able to see that Lee isn't interested in him. Why can't he? Because he can't even SEE LEE. All he sees is the woman of his future without even asking if she truly imagines herself in that future. That is my personal take . . . 

Another thing I disagree with, which is entirely an opinion thing, is this paragraph about when she is at the desk. The author's opinion is that she is hallucinating, but I disagree. The author also claims that they believe the best person to visit her is a feminist that brings a stack of books. Why?? She can't read them . . . her dad and the priest at least read to her . . . here are those paragraphs:

"but I’ve always felt like in this scene Lee is hallucinating all of these people: these are just thoughts running in her starving-dehydrated mind. For example, her dad comes to read this very impactful quote. He basically gives her permission to finally move on, to not be attached to him anymore. She should live her life without worrying about him."

"Lee really wanted to hear it directly from her father. However the best character to visit Lee is a feminist who brings her a stack of books to read."

These are all matters of opinion, and at the end of the day, we have the same reasons for loving this movie, and I think it perfectly describes why. I wonder this article only has 14 likes?

Anyways, that is all for now. I'll be back when I have something interesting to say.

-SS

9:21am

This is a separate post because my friend's dilemma is of more importance and I don't want to put the events of my daily life with her crisis. 

Some photos of things I have posted on The Unsent Project, a pouring 4am, and etc.

(I also added a contact form and following button because I didn't know that was an option before!)

I bought some stickers from the unsent project as well although I know they would be so very easy to make a sticker sheet of, which I maybe will one day. I also bought sticky notes. Other purchases have been Escape With Romeo, as a vinyl, Script of the Bridge by The Chameleons which I maybe already mentioned?? Some Lbri skincare, and a year long Viki pass plus subscription. I might also resubscribe to A Friend in Faith, Jessica Lilly's mail subscription. I want a mail club, I think that would be fun. I also want more penpals : )

I want to get to the stuff I need to do today so I am going to sign off. 

Keep going guys . . . as Kidsaint says, "Thank you for staying alive".

-SS

9:03am

Good morning blog!!
As happy as i want to be feeling on this sunny morning, we are in a crises. It is probably insensitive to divulge what the crises is as it is not really mine to say, but my friend is in the utmost need of help, and I don't know how to give it to her. Everything that comes out of my mouth sounds like selfish dry talk that means absolutely nothing that it did inside my head. Help!!! What do you do for a friend in danger? What do you say to someone who needs your help so desperately? 

If I could beg anyone to please write a comment on here so that it could reach her? Or email me? I need someone else to help, give a reason to stay or something?? I don't think I'm enough. This is the reason I wish I were famous: I could garner the attention of the world and get help for my cause. I need your help!

I am going to drink my coffee and dream up ways I can change the course of this 

-SS

1:10pm

Good afternoon!

My younger sister is moving in with us!! We're getting a bunk bed, and she's getting a wardrobe and rent will be so much cheaper : )

My mom is coming over today and taking my little sisters back but they're coming back to move her in soon after. I picked my Monday shift back up because Mimi has a really bad ear infection so she had to give it back to me. It's okay though, because I can just put music on or something. 

I need to answer messages and write back letters. My Japanese penpal sent me a letter months ago and it got sent to my Aunt's address and she forwarded it to me but it never came 😟
So I don't know where the letter is, but wherever it is, I will have to write and tell her that I never got it which makes me really sad because there were probably cute things inside of it! Oh well . . . 

Thankfully I don't work until 2pm tomorrow so I will just get up early and do a lot of things before work and then sleep in a little more on Tuesday because I don't work then either.

Later, SS

8:14pm

Good evening blog : )

I picked up a shift tomorrow because a girl named Mimi asked me to so we could work together. If someone wants to spend time with me I will never turn them down. I am flattered, to be honest. And if that is a reason I am picking up a shift, at least I am picking up a shift at all . . . I guess? This same Mimi also picked up two of my shifts, one of them being tomorrow, but I am still working that day anyway, I suppose because one girl quit today. I also made cookies for work and my coworkers liked them a lot, so that's good! I will be making more, with how much chocolate I brought home XD XD

I don't work with my least favorite coworker at all really these next 2 weeks and I suppose that has set me in a pretty good mood. I also learned that my two younger sisters are coming to spend the week and that has me soo excited!! And I talked with my younger sister about moving in because she has brought it up multiple times and I think that could be very fun! Our youngest sister wants a job at the winery close to where I used to live and I hope for her sake she gets that. I am waking up at 5 tomorrow but I don't think that will stop me from watching Tarzan tonight, honestly. We are going to the fair tomorrow after work, and I get to see my mom and I am so excited! Just me & my younger sisters are going, which will be so fun. I've never really been the oldest person and I know I am old enough to have done this by now, but I have a big family, so I guess it takes awhile to circle around. 

I should start watching Tarzan, to be honest, so I am going to sign off.

Sleep 4/7 before day off!

-SS

8:34pm

Good evening blog ~
Tomorrow I can buy my Viki Subscription. Tonight I am sleepy. Today wasn't the greatest. I can't stop thinking, and I wish sometimes that I could, but when I stop thinking it is only because I can't think at all and that is worse, sometimes. 
"A woman happily in love burns the souffle, but a woman unhappily in love . . .  forgets to turn on the oven" - Sabrina, 1954
And I am unhappily in love.

There is not much to post if I am being honest, but I might watch Tarzan tonight, we will see. I decided not to bother with the sequel of Hunchback after all. I am just tired of falling in love. I'm tired of yearning, grasping, thinking, longing, hoping with the true essence of the word, and wanting, wanting and then wanting some more. I can't stop thinking about it. How much I want him. Why do I want him so relentlessly? Why does he have to be so perfect? And why do I have to keep falling into love??

Anyway I always say what more is there to write about it (but of course there always is more) and I get bored with myself being so in pain, so there is nothing left to do but close.

See you tomorrow. Sleep 3/7 before my day off <3

9:20pm

Good evening, blog

Feeling down when I was supposed to be feeling up right around this time XD
First things first, and not all of these are things that brought me down,  but the big news of the week is that I deleted my Instagram account. I will post everything that I saved off of there in messages etc. at some point, but right now I am supposed to be going to bed, or something. Anyway, I work 7 days in a row and then I start working a little less. So lets go, here begins day 1/7 of the work week. Should I post every day of these 7 work days and then on my day off get a bunch of stuff done?? That actually sounds like a good plan - 

Tonight marks sleep 1/7 before work - we can do this. 
I told my best friend Rian about what I consider to be the letdown of the century: Quasimodo doesn't get with Esmeralda?? We all know that in the book everyone dies or something, but I thought Disney would give us gorgeous + hideous. Of course if I'm being honest, I didn't think it could really be possible, but you know, that's why I was going to watch it . . . don't we usually watch movies for the impossible? So against all public opinion (which I would say is about 50/50 or 60/40 on if the sequel is good or awful, I will watch the sequel just to try and satisfy that empty feeling inside me that expected Romance and got . . . a society nightmare? Of course they invented some He-Man to come and steal her away, geez, way to boost confidence . . . 
Anyway, a little bit of that and a little bit of this feeling that I have lost another one in the form of my Japanese penpal, (who I finally messaged again, by the way). And just in case I could salvage anything by way of a very useful tool called Communication, messaged and said that I hoped she was doing well, asked if I had said or done anything wrong, and clarified anything that might have given me a bad name if misunderstood - as well as apologized for the simply unholy amount of text in the messages I had sent 19 days prior - so we will see what happens after that. I must be healing, or else I am numb, {but in some ways aren't they the same feeling?} because I don't feel the ground shaking ache in my heart that usually arises from situations like these because of the many times I was left on read and then left for dead by some petty boy with thin framed glasses, yellow hair, an ugly face and that horrible thing given to about 78% of the male population when they are born: an overdose of nonchalance. Or the time when he "was locked out of his discord account" which had such a sincere apology birthed only in the tone of voice that says "I f-ed up 100 other times, and all those excuses were lies, I know, but this time I'm crying wolf for real, and I need you to believe me before I let you down from my forklift into the construction pit below". So yeah, I think he did get locked out of his discord account just to remember me when he came back (probably not because there were a few concerned messages from his token love bomb, yours truly), and probably was a sweatin about how he was gonna explain this mess-up when he got back because it probably happened at the very inconvenient time when he was planning his master break up messages, so you know, he had to wait a couple more weeks before he could finally carry those out. AND I'm still texting the loml who is uninterested in me and I'm not anxious?? (genuinely no sarcasm here), you've gotta be kidding me - the human emotional network and mental/nervous system can learn to heal. Now THAT has got to be news for the world in 2026 . . .

If it weren't for the migraine behind my eyeballs i would probably be writing a little more ambitiously tonight, but I think I achieved a good enough amount, and so I'm feeling a little down because the letdown of the century is that we gave into society's pressure again and let the ugly guy walk off alone, and because I am slightly afraid my past will always scare people away (maybe why the letdown in the hunchback tonight felt so anti climactic and disappointing . . .), but I am going to start a Kdrama soon, "Brewing Love", and I hope and pray to the Lord Jesus Almighty that it is a good and satisfying one that leaves me as upbeat and inspired as all the other ones do especially during these trying times of becoming an adult (XD), and who knows, if I can't sleep, there's a hundred other worse things I could be doing than starting a Kdrama little too late.

Oh, I also finished The Other Bennett Sister. 7/10- not bad, I just wasn't a fan of Mary as the show continued, I don't know how to explain it. It was almost like she became proud, instead of confident, I don't know . . . maybe I just need to watch it again closer to the other episodes, and maybe I just wasn't a fan of her character, and that's okay. Favorite characters were for sure Mr. and Mrs Gardiner, and Tom Hayward. Maybe I'm just a jealous b<3<3<3h who felt Tom deserved better because I have evil inside of me too. I am fully aware of the false and bad opinion that is, but it is my opinion deep in my heart, nonetheless. Goodnight to you all, I apologize for any of the ways I have disappointed anyone, and I hope tomorrow I can start feeling like a less horrible version of myself.

- ever, your jealous H<3e, SS