2:20pm

Good morning blog! 
I do not feel awful anymore, and since telling the world how I felt, it has since faded. I am revisiting some of my albums that I own on vinyl, and Vanishing Point is definitely one of New Order's best songs. 

Anyway, this post is for my friend Rian. 

Dear Rian
I heard Matilda today and thought of you. I can't wait for you to tell me how you are doing. Over the time that we have been a little absent from each other's lives I have seen the other side and back again. I miss you. Camp was not the same without you and I felt that icky feeling that I feel when something is missing, or gone. Like something was dead, and that always seems to happen. However, I do not mourn my lost friendships, I mourn the memories that I could not add to because you were not there. 
Life always settles back into this rhythm that seems lost in the current but always comes back like settling sand: life is empty of people except for these few I have been blessed to keep so far.
Amidst wild oceans of loneliness, and cold winds of contentment, it is lost among the surfing waves. This reality that when life is normal, and the flags are white and the sea is calm, texts back from anyone are few and far between, and I fall into sin.
I want life to be different for everyone else. I want things to change in this world for everyone else. I want things to be better, but I can't do anything for that cause besides support those I already have. I do this without the expectation that it will return to me, and it does not return to me very much. Still, it is a harvest I have been trying to sow since I was 9 (and considering most of my friends have consistently decided to fade themselves into the transparent background of my life, I seem to have been unsuccessful). 
But I have done all I could do, and I wouldn't do things differently. My advice to you is to always do what you know is right and don't listen to the lies of being conventional or whatever. Just do what you know you should no matter what. Please tell me everything soon - I miss you.

~ XoXo, Belle

I am too tired to continue this post any further.