1:00pm

Good morning everybody!!

The show we finished was Doom at Your Service, and we also finished the last episode of I'll Go to You When the Weather is Nice, because I had been lied to, but it's my fault because I could have watched the last episode a long time ago, I just didn't want to be emotionally wrecked. Although I do wonder why no one told me, haha. Of course the reason is because the people who would have heard and read my complaints and anger would have been none the wiser, but either way, I have watched the last episode, and Eun Sob got what he deserved, and I am healed. 

Doom at Your Service was amazing. The parts with Kevin were completely unnecessary imo, and made me feel (personally), really embarrassed, but overall I really liked it and I thought it was powerful, moving, and a timely watch. I loved Cha Joo Ik, and the parts with him in it definitely could have been longer. 
I have also decided to get rid of my blog "Does it have a happy ending?" 
I might remake it someday but for now I just haven't looked at it and it isn't getting updated and I'm sure it's not getting views, either.
We are watching "He is Psychometric" - and as you may know, I have already seen it, but I really thought that my sisters would enjoy it, now that we're back to watching Kdramas together. So far, they are heavily invested XD
There's a trend in the shows that I love the most, and it's how the characters feel lonely and touch-starved. In D.A.Y.S. both Dong Kyeong and Doom feel this lonely feeling - when she loves someone, or finds someone to make her happy, they leave. This is something I too have felt on a deep level. When Doom comes into contact with something - in fact, whenever he does something - Doom happens somewhere. (or something like that). The point is, when he touches something, it becomes dead, grey, and doomed. I also feel this way in a sense. When someone makes me happy, I want them to discover my second layer, but almost no one seems to be able to make it past that second layer - and until someone else can, I feel stuck there as well.
In He is Psychometric, Lee Ahn is definitely touch starved because of his ability, and has an independence complex (also sounds like me), although the people around him are too detached, though well meaning and certainly care about him, to realize this or put much thought into it. 
He feels that at any moment people could leave him and he will just have to be okay with it. (Sounds familiar . . .)
And it's these characters that tug at my heart strings and make my eyes well up. My heart really hurts when I see the pain in Lee Ahn's eyes or the awkwardness after someone avoids his touch, and then realizes what they just did. 
Also Eun Sob, I felt his pain, his distance, his fear, his longing . . . his calm acceptance that the things he loves the most can never be his, and the quiet realization when he wakes from the temporary gratification of his wishes only to find that, indeed, he was meant to be alone. 
And thankfully, that wasn't the case after all, and hopefully, not for me, either, but at least I hope to live with his quiet and graceful acceptance of things that go against my wishes - the calm taking of life as it's given to you, despite your deep pain. 

~~~

I haven't really started work on my bullet journal yet because I need music to create and generally I try to take a break from music on Sundays, and generally all media. So I'm not sure if I'll end up working on it today or not, we'll see. Otherwise, I was making planners as gifts for my younger sisters, so I haven't made any further progress on it since the photos I last posted.

I am writing a letter to J to give to him if I see him at camp. It is not about me, and it will not try too hard to explain my own behaviour or actions or the fact that my love for him has grown rather than shrunk, contrary to my hopes and expectations, but rather just to tell him how his decision made me feel, how much I respect him and am grateful for him. I could spend two more pages telling him how I'll wait and everything, but what use is that? Especially when I have no idea what the future holds. Especially when I don't know what's in his heart. I will just tell him about himself, from my eyes, how I am doing, and how he has affected me, and nothing about how I personally feel about him. If that makes sense. It's a thin line to walk, and a complicated thing to explain, but I will post the letter when I write it. 

For now, XoXo

-SS

P.S. Also, I want to say that I want to be returning to who I was in the summer. I wish boys never existed, even though I like them. I just want to be completely satisfied, and if I could wish for one things this year, it would be just that. To be completely happy and completely satisfied despite my having a crush or even what could be called a one-sided or at least star-crossed love. So regardless of that, I am going to have a wonderful time this summer, despite whatever may happen to me, and I can't wait for it to come back. I don't get seasonal depression anymore, but I am still at my peak happiness in summertime, and the day when hands are no longer cold or dry all the time - when rain may fall freely - when I may go outside with hardly a second thought - when I feel warm and happy under the sunlight . . . that is what I am waiting for.